Is there a soul mate? Is there a certain person that you are completely perfect for in every way and you two are destine to bump into one another and it is completely out of your hands? Or is the idea of a ‘soul mate’ been created by Hallmark to sell more Valentines’ Day cards every February? Or in reality, is the idea of a soul mate somewhere in the middle?
The dictionary definition of soul mate is “One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity” and “someone for whom you have a deep affinity.” (Source: Dictionary.com) Is compatibility the biggest draw in a soul mate? Or is more then that?
Every answer we you come across for a soul mate, generally just brings up more questions. Some people absolutely believe in soul mates and are always keeping their fingers crossed for the possibility of finding them. For the debate, we will call these people the Romantics. On the other side of the coin, allot of people think life and relationships are only what you make them to be and you can be in love with many different types of people. These people we will call the Realists.
Now, before we move on, a point of reference needs to be made. Neither the Romantics nor the Realists are completely wrong, nor for that matter are they completely right. Soul mates and the idea of searching for your soul mates lies somewhere smack dab in the middle.
Finding true love is wonderful and can truly make your life happy. But remember the times when you were very young and you fell in love with that movie or TV star. Now, if you were asked during that time, you would have sworn that you and Brad Pitt would be married and that you were soul mates.
Now, this is fine and there is nothing wrong with creating a crush for you or forming an infatuation about someone. This is healthy. The problem being that that same mind that convinced yourself that you were going to marry Julia Roberts and live in Hollywood, is the same brain that might be limiting yourself right now. Marrying rich-movie stars is great and if you have the opportunity, you should go for it, as long as you have a realistic opportunity. Most of us don’t and we still need to be able to find someone. This same brain makes us miss out of opportunities, because instead of working hard at making a relationship work, when the relationship hits the skids people can always say “Well, I guess we were never meant to be” taking the power out of their hands and giving it all up for the soul mate idea.
If you want to find love, find it. Don’t allow Fate or bad luck or some sort of magical leprechaun influence what you want. If you want something, go get it.
Now those people who swear by the idea of soul mates and just shaking their heads and saying things like “If they are my soul mate then we are meant to be”. The old ‘Meant To Be’ argument. This is a hard line to cross. But the only response that can be given to the MTB arguers is another old saying, “opposites attract.” Now, this seems to be a slight contradiction. Can you be completely compatible with someone who is the exact opposite from yourself? Or is it more then that? Once again, just more questions and no realistic answers.
Might the idea of the soul mate be that actually what happens once you are together? Not that there is one person and one person only which will swoop off their magical horse and make everything perfect for you. But rather, a soul mate is what happens when you have found someone, anyone, and you have grown together and they become your soul mate because they are what you need in your life. Whether this is your true love, or your best friend, or a close relative, whatever you need that person you care for provides it for you. Whether this is love, companionship or the ability to listen to your problems, this person becomes your soul mate. They are the answer to what your soul is searching for.
If this answer works for you, then we need to change the definition ever so slightly.
“One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity” and “someone for whom you have a deep affinity” and “provides you with something that your soul is craving.”
Romantics and Realists are both reading this and saying “That’s not right!” and “This makes no sense!” And once again, both aren’t completely off. Without a real definition where we have an actual scientific, factual, and irrefutable evidence that proves without a shadow of doubt what a soul mate actual is one hundred percent, we sort of have to make it up. So the Romantics and Realists are partially right, but don’t forget, that they are sort of wrong too.
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