Dating & Relationship

Is it really a man’s world? Are our men becoming outnumbered by us women? I’ve been hearing that a lot since I’ve moved to Atlanta.  And I find that most women are using this as an excuse as to why they can’t find a good man. That cliche “ratio” rumor about it being 10 women for every man. Blah. I don’t even believe that because I haven’t seen proof of that yet. Whenever I go out, whether it’s a club, bar or the mall, I see a fair equal amount of men and women in attendance. Now, I may see a lot more couples than single men but for the most part, we are not in a drought for available men. We are in a drought of having common sense however…

No matter how we meet our boyfriend/girlfriend, or who makes the introduction, we create all the relationships we experience. We each have the capacity to bring to ourselves the exact relationship we want. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t willing to do the work. You have some guys that will tell you they’re not ready for a relationship or have no interest in getting married, yet do & say the things you would as if you are in a committed relationship. This just confuse things and erupts feelings that shouldn’t even be there. You know what all of this truly means? It means that he is ready for a relationship. Just not with you. He has thought about getting married every now and then. But not with you. People, when you do this to someone you consider a “companion”, be fair and think about the person you’re deceiving when you’re doing this. You may come across as innocent and expressive but your actions tell a different story then what you’re narrating. Guys, if we say we’re not ready to have sex with you, please respect that. Most of us (not all us) have wised up to the fact that you are able to control your hormones. That barbaric excuse of suffering from blue balls, whooping cough, dyslexia or whatever it is that you men come up with…needs to be laid to rest. Once and for all. Then there are women who claims they want to wait to have sex, but later on that night, will present herself in such a sensual way as if she is ready to take it to the next step. This just frustrates our men even more and make them class you as a tease or someone who “plays too much games”. If you made yourself clear about not having sex then do not do things that will lead to sex (ie: heavy fourplay, laying your privates right on top of each other, humping & etc.).

If you find yourself dating someone for a few months, and they’re still not ready to settle down with you, I feel you should move on. I say…maybe about 6 months. I usually know within the first couple months whether or not if I want to commit to someone. Sometimes, it may only take one night. Point is, there’s no reason why you should settle for a half assed life. To reiterate on something I brought up in the previous paragraph, if someone tells you they’re not interested in having a relationship no time soon, that really means they’re not interested in you like that. Or, they don’t want to lead you on to believing it may turn into something more serious, just in case they’re not really feeling you after a few weeks or so. At least that’s what I do. So what makes you (I’m mostly referring to you ladies) believe that this man is any different? Ya’ll have been going out on frequent dates, having meaningful conversations and screwing each other brains out every other night for 6 months. Yet he doesn’t want to make you his one and only? You know what that makes you? A close friend, who gives a great piece of ass. Nothing more, nothing less. If you’re comfortable with that reality, more power to you. Maybe you just want to have a little fun yourself. But if you are someone who was seeking a real commitment, then this is not for you. You need to cut him lose and search within yourself as to why you settled for that sort of relationship.

Now…let’s just say you want a relationship but can’t find one. Ever thought that you need to look within yourself and get a clear perspective about how it feels to be with someone? If you have certain grounds and rules about yourself don’t back down and compromise yourself for the next person. If they want to be with you they will take you as you are. The only thing that’s up for change is time management, social life & the past (making time for one another, practicing monogamy & simply letting go). What holds us back the most from having a successful relationship is harboring in our past. We can’t expect to attract a loving, generous mate if we’re angry and withholding due to some shit that happened previously. Stop blaming the past for our condition now. Wherever we are, what we have or don’t have is no one’s fault but our own. If by chance someone else made a contribution to the mess we were creating, forgive them for the mess and move on.

Finally, we have to feel blessed for everything we’ve been through; all we have had; all we are becoming. When we take limits, restrictions and fears off our hearts, our relationships (or the makings of one) will become more successful. Look within yourself, erase the pain, become unselfish and learn how to trust before you look for love. We have an unlimited capacity to love. Don’t be stingy with that love because you’re unable to open up. It’s unfair to the person you’re with and yourself. Being in a relationship and growing to love that person increases our resources and our capacity to give. Love keeps us alive long after we’ve departed & gives meaning to who we are, what we do & how we do it. It opens up to endless possibilities. So why run from it? Why deny yourself from taking a chance of feeling this way? So what if you’re 21, love don’t judge by age. So what if you’re not making enough money, love don’t need a payment plan. So what if you’re “too busy”, that’s just excuses to run from your true feelings & facing the reality. When we love under circumstances rather than in spite of them, our love is limited. Don’t limit yourself from happiness, companionship & the ability to grow with someone.

With every new experience comes a lot of fears. Don’t wait until it’s too late to make the right decision. Most people wait until something drastic happens. The best time to do it is when you realize that this is not the experience you were looking for.