It’s over. No matter what you thought was going to happen, you’re relationship has ended. And now that all the fighting is over and all the clothes and stuff has been exchanged and you have gone you separate ways, you think you are ready to try something new. But are you?
You make a point to say you have no feelings about your former flame to all your friends every time you see them. First off, if you are talking about your former love all the time, whether complaining or just refer to things that they said, it’s probably a good sign that you aren’t completely over them. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Different people deal with loss at different speeds. Sure, your best friend got dumped and the next week they were sleeping with someone else and that’s fine for them. It may not be okay for you. Remember they are you’re friends and not you and whatever advice they give you to take with a grain of salt.
You are saying all the right things, but a part of you would still jump at the chance to get back together with your ex. Okay, here’s the problem with pining for some lost love. They are not always pining for you. You need to go cold turkey. You need to stop hoping and wishing that something would happen. Make a point to not go where you might bump into them. Take this time as a chance to explore something different. Reinvent yourself or start going to places you have never gone to before. The only chance for anything good to happen to either of you is to make a clean break. Who knows, maybe your ex will see the error of their ways, but you should make a point of being totally over them by the time they change their minds.
You are staying in every night and don’t have the energy to go out with friends. The reason you might be sad all the time is pretty simple. You are sad all the time, because you are thinking about being sad all the time. This is the time to go out and change the thoughts that are floating around in your head. If you don’t want to go out every night and howl at the moon, you don’t have to. But it would really do you some good to go out and do the things that you could do when you were with someone. Either go watch the game at a sports-bar with your buddies or go shopping with some girlfriends and make sure you are taking the time to make the relationships that are working, your friends, the best they can be. Maybe you were wrapped up in your own life and put a little distance between a couple of relationships. Now is the time to fix those and not worry about being upset.
You are taking all the blame for the end. Now there are a few cases were it might be all your fault, but for the most part a couple ending is because of both people. What happened between you two may not be all your fault. Learn from the good and bad that occurred. Take notice on the things that your ex-partner thought was special about you and what they loved about your relationship. Then (and this maybe the hard part) think about the problems that they had with and what tore the two of you part. This the time to learn and more importantly grow. If your ex doesn’t want you anymore, their loss. Now, that you know how to do it better, be a better boyfriend or girlfriend for the next person and then you probably won’t have to worry about the next one ending.
Once you are ready to start dating, make a point to not fall into the traps you always fall into. Once your relationship is over, you need to take notice of the reasons why. They is no point to going around in circles and having to go through this all the time. Learn from your mistakes, whether be they type of person you are dating or how you act once you are in a relationship. Make sure the next one is the relationship you want to be in and that will be the first step to finding the right one.
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